


Three Heartbeats

by Vitavili



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Feels, Dorks in Love, Falling In Love, I love them so much that I cry regulary, Light Angst, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:01:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24660487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vitavili/pseuds/Vitavili
Summary: One. You're in love with him, but your heart belongs to his best friend.Two. You're in love with your best friend for years but never found the courage to tell him. And now it's too late.Three. Your life seems perfect just the way it is until you discover that your best friend is in love with you, and your boyfriend is in love with your best friend.Three Heartbeats. Three ways to break their hearts. And One way to heal.Written for Banana Fish Reverse Big Bang!
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji, Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji/Shorter Wong, Ash Lynx/Shorter Wong, Okumura Eiji/Shorter Wong
Comments: 6
Kudos: 75
Collections: Banana Fish Reverse Big Bang





	Three Heartbeats

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gabgabgab](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gabgabgab/gifts).



> This is my second time participating in Banana Fish Reverse Big Bang and totally different experiences! But for sure, no less exciting. This work was exclusively important to me, because the plot strakes way too close to home. But different from my situation, I love our boys so much and I always enjoy giving them the end they deserve.
> 
> This year I had a chance to work with another masterpiece and an amazing, extremely talented person and a precious friend - Gab. Thank you for bearing with me all this time, for your constant support, crying with me and cheering, I wouldn't have made it without you. I'm looking to working with you in the future as well <3 I hope we will have many amazing collabs together! You are the best ;;;;
> 
> To add, I want to thank to my other dear friend [Claudia](https://twitter.com/Jaded_Lynx) (Ao3: [Jaded_Lynx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadedLynx)), for agreeing to be my Beta. But you gave me so much more! Thank you for everything, I almost consider you as a co-author of this fic. I don't know if I have enough words to love you for everything.  
> Claudia is an amazing author, please give her your support if you can!

* * *

* * *

Eiji sits down at the table next to the window and looks through it at students enjoying the sun outside. The first day of the new semester is hot and humid. Even if Eiji is wearing only a t-shirt and shorts, his skin is still covered in a light sweat, dark hair sticking to his forehead. He isn’t in the mood to eat, but his next chance will be only in the late evening, so Eiji forces himself to start the salad with shrimps. 

_He might be coming any second now_. 

Eiji will see him for the first time after the summer break. 

_Finally._

Honestly, that is the only reason why he agreed to come to the cafeteria during the lunch break.

“Bebeeee!” A loud call behind Eiji makes him softly smile and raise his head.

Shorter takes Eiji’s face between his fingers, leaning in for a long smooch on the lips before falling into the seat in front of him.

“The line is freaking huge, and Ash lost at rock paper scissors - so he’s there. The introduction class was boring like always, I almost fell asleep. Man, I’m so hungry…” Shorter leans forward to Eiji, catches his free hand, and rubs softly with his thumb.

“Of course you are. Have my salad, love,” Eiji suggests as he knows Shorter won’t say no. More than that, he opens his mouth like a spoiled child. Eiji smiles even wider before sharing his food.

“You should be an example for freshmen as captain of the team. Don’t you have enough sleep?” Eiji speaks again with a wink while chewing his salad.

“Did I?” His boyfriend looks right into Eiji’s eyes.

Eiji softly blushes. Shorter said he came to Eiji’s room only to check if he needs any help with unpacking. 

“Yue-Lung is not talking with me now. I told you we were too loud.” Eiji mutters with pouty cheeks.

“He should be happy I didn’t stay over.” Shorter rolls eyes. “I honestly can’t wait until we graduate and can move in together. We lived together all summer, this year separately will be hell for sure.” Shorter complains, with a deep sigh and sad puppy eyes.

“Can you be less hornyyyy? Maybe football practice will help to tame your energy?” Eiji laughs, covering Shorter’s face with his palm so he wouldn’t see those irresistible dark eyes.

Shorter catches Eiji’s fingers easily, leaving kisses on them. “You know that I can’t control myself with you…”

“Thanks, I learned at least this much during a year dating you.” Eiji exhales still smiling, gently touching Shorter’s bottom lip with fingertips. “Sho---”

Suddenly Eiji silently gasps, losing his fork and covers his mouth. He didn’t notice how Shorter’s hand disappeared under the table and found the way to touch Eiji’s naked leg. Shorter slides his hand up Eiji’s thigh and grips warm sweaty skin between his fingers harder.

“Eiji…” he murmurs quietly when the dark-haired boy leans forward. “You’re provoking me with these…”

“I’m not. Stoooop, Shorter…” Eiji begs, but he doesn’t have enough strength to stop his boyfriend’s hand.

“Then why don’t you stop me?” Shorter continues teasing, still kissing Eiji’s fingers. The Japanese boy only blushes harder. _It’s impossible to resist. He’s too weak for this man._

“Seriously, you two, right in front of my food?” 

A voice that comes from nowhere freaks out Eiji so hard that he jumps in the spot, moving back with the whole chair. Shorter loudly laughs, punching Ash on the side.

“Don’t scare my boyfriend, you idiot. What did you get?”

“He’s like a bunny,” Ash replies, rolling his eyes. “Have your steak.” He drops the plate in front of Shorter and then sits down on the third chair between Eiji and Shorter.

For himself, Ash also took the same shrimp salad as Eiji.

“I’m not a bunny.” Eiji frowns slowly moving back to the table. “And hey, Ash. Nice to see you after the summer. How were your holidays? Shorter said you went to the swimming training camp in Australia.”

Ash shrugs with no emotions on his face.

“So that pretty much sums up my holidays,” he pauses, “And how are you?” Ash asks, probably only because he wants to sound polite.

Eiji was in love with Ash since the day they met for the first time. During the orientation week last year. But Ash never noticed him, in any way, no matter how badly Eiji wanted it to happen. But Shorter, Ash’s best friend, did. And here Shorter and Ash are in their second year and Eiji in third. Almost nothing has changed. Eiji’s chest still hurts the same. 

Ash grew his hair during the summer and has tied it in a small ponytail. 

_He’s so breathtaking._

Eiji drops his head to focus on his salad, biting his lower lip. He loves Shorter with his whole heart, but then why does all the air disappear when he’s with Ash? Eiji wanted to see him after the summer, he wanted to realize that his feelings for Ash are finally gone. But they were not.

“I’m good, thanks,” Eiji finally mutters, answering Ash’s question.

“They really improved during the summer. The steak is great! Wanna try?” Shorter grins as he cuts a piece of steak for Eiji.

Shorter, of course, doesn’t know anything and he didn’t bother himself to notice. And he's right, Eiji would never hurt him. Shorter doesn’t need to know. It doesn’t matter.

“I can’t, babe. If I eat that every day, my pole will break in half.” Eiji laughs, trying to push away a bad mood. 

Ash joins him with a short giggle. “And I would sink like a rock.”

“Ya’ll are just weak.” Shorter proudly grins, taking a big bite of a grilled potato.

Shorter continues the conversation about school stuff and annoying freshmen, but Eiji is only half participating with nods and laughs and is barely able to keep his focus. Eiji hates himself for being like this, he hates himself for liking Ash. The three of them always hang out together, but this summer only proved that Ash doesn’t have any interest in talking only with Eiji. He hasn't texted Eiji even once.

_He shouldn’t be thinking about that. He shouldn’t._

  
  


* * *

“I hope your Pineapple Head is not coming tonight,” Yue hisses, his eyes not leaving the page of the book he's reading.

“Yue! You’re talking with me!” Eiji laughs, his joy visible as he jumps off his bed. The day was hard, even though practice went well and it seemed that the new students accepted him as a team leader. However, Eiji was feeling weird, so he refused to hang out with Shorter and Ash in the evening. 

_"Need to prepare my schedule"_ he had lied but knowing how organized Eiji is, it wasn’t hard to make Shorter believe. Ash simply didn’t care enough to suspect something.

“Don’t get too near, I’m still traumatized.” Yue stops Eiji with his leg, so he wouldn’t get closer.

“Come on! I’ll let you choose any day to bring Sing here, okay?” Eiji just desperately wanted to talk with someone.

“And buy me coffee,” Yue adds, but when Eiji nods too fast with an enthusiastic agreement, he frowns, “And warn me next time.”

Eiji of course agrees. He always does, for more than two years already. How many times have they had this conversation?

“So…” Yue closes the book, Eiji is already sitting on the floor with his legs crossed. “Ash came back.”

Eiji had to tell someone. It wasn’t intentional but holding such feeling all for himself was hard. At some point, after a few cans of beer last year, when Yue found Eiji sitting in the corner at some party, he told him everything. Eiji doesn’t clearly remember how it happened for sure but having that one person who understands him was enough. 

Even though Yue liked to judge everyone and everything, he was a pretty good friend. Attentive. Intelligent. Good at reading people. Maybe the reason why he decided to talk with Eiji today was because of Ash. Because Yue knows what Eiji feels, and how much he needs to let it out.

“Well yes---”

“Wait, let me get this clear. That bitch didn’t even talk with you during the summer and now you’re losing your shit?” Yue interrupts.

“Kind of…” Eiji knows how lame it sounds, but there is nothing he can do. “It’s not that simple…”

“Listen, either you fuck him by the end of this year, or you leave it forever and live a happy life with Pineapple Head.”

“What?! No!”

“Which one is no?”

Eiji is about to mutter something back but they both glance at the door when someone knocks on it.

“Eijiiiiiiiii….” 

When a familiar voice howls behind them and Yue points a finger at Eiji. “Don’t you dare!”

“Okay okay! I’ll talk with him in the hallway.” Eiji gets up and opens the door, pushing Shorter a bit back and then closes the door behind himself. “Hey, babe, sorry not today, Yue is really pisse---”

But Shorter doesn’t let him finish. He grabs Eiji’s face and shoves his tongue inside, making Eiji’s legs shiver. He bumps into the door, not being able to resist, only to seize Shorter’s shirt between fingers. As much as it’s hot, Eiji feels a strong taste of beer in Shorter’s mouth. He should have known that Shorter's and Ash’s evening out wouldn’t just be walking by the river. And still.

“Shorter… wait…” Eiji gently pushes him away and it takes longer than usual because Shorter is clinging on him and pressing against the door.

Eiji already imagines Yue breathing fire from those sounds.

“Wait… Shorter…” he tries again, and this time Shorter stops, but only leaving a small gap between their lips.

Eiji is sure that he heard people passing through them, but no one cares about horny students kissing in the hallways here. Especially not when they are captains of a football and track and field teams. Everyone knows about them dating.

“Let’s go to my room, I’ll ask Ash to leave somewhere… I want you…” Shorter licks Eiji’s bottom lip with a smile.

Eiji feels like someone kicked into his stomach. Why did Shorter have to say Ash’s name? 

“Wait... what… no. I’ve got practice tomorrow from the morning. That’s why we decided to live separately, remember?” Eiji tries to play it nice and gently, he rubs Shorter’s hair and the back of his neck.

“Please, Eiji… please…” he almost begs, leaving small kisses on Eiji’s chin. “I can’t stop thinking about you in those shorts all day… Please.”

“No, Shorter. Why are you even drunk on your first day back in school?”

Eiji never complained about Shorter drinking before. He might make a pouty face and sigh loudly, but it’s Shorter’s life after all, and Eiji was there to support him, not judge.

“What do you mean? I only had a few beers with Ash…” Shorter steps a bit back honestly surprised.

“More likely mixed with something stronger,” Eiji adds. “And then you oversleep your classes or even worse, go to practice with a hangover and put yourself into danger because you can’t stay focused.”

“Eiji… why are you trying to have a fight now…?” Shorter takes his sunglasses off his head and frowns.

“I’m not. But why are you are coming drunk to my room on the first day back at school to tell me to go with you only to have sex? Who do you think I am?”

They always have fights. At least once every two or three days. Because of random things mostly, because they have such different characters, interests, even their ways of managing time. And because of Shorter being reckless. He doesn’t care about his health, he doesn’t care about his meals, or about keeping his ass safe. How many times was he injured during the games only because he didn’t care about the end? How many times did he jump into fights? Shorter is the kind of person who acts before they think, whereas Eiji is the exact opposite. During the summer when it was just two of them, things were a bit different, but Shorter might easily return to his old habits.

And Eiji also perfectly knows that the real reason why he’s angry is none of these. It’s Ash. It was always Ash.

“I… I’m sorry… Eiji.” he sighs. “I didn’t…. think about this. I just wanted to see you.”

“Go to sleep, Shorter. Please.” Eiji shakes his head when Shorter tries to touch him again and opens the door. “See you tomorrow.”

He leaves Shorter behind the door and as soon as he enters, his and Yue’s eyes meet.

“Yes, I heard everything. Yes, you just acted like a complete bitch. Yes, that was fun.” Yue doesn’t wait for a question, he only waves at Eiji’s side holding his phone in the hand. He probably already reported everything that happened to Sing.

Eiji is not in the mood to talk anymore about anything. He waits for ten minutes and then leaves the room to take a shower when he comes back Yue is not in the room, and most likely won't be coming back tonight.

Drying his hair with a towel, Eiji glances at his phone.

[10:28 pm] Shorter: I’m sorry, Eiji…

[10:29 pm] Shorter: I love you.

[11:05 pm] Shorter: Goodnight.

 _What he’s doing? Because of what?_ Eiji loves Shorter. He loves him so much and that’s why he’s so angry at himself.

With the tears in his eyes, Eiji takes the phone, fingers are trembling. He’s sure that if he typed that after Yue left, Shorter would be here in ten minutes. He would hug Eiji and hold him in his strong arms, kiss, and make him forget for hours that Ash exists. And still, today Eiji wanted to cry.

[11:15 pm] Eiji: I love you too. Rest well.

Shorter reads the answer immediately which only confirms that he was waiting. Eiji gets into his bed and curls into a ball. _He loves him. He loves Shorter. He does._

* * *

* * *

Ash doesn’t move. He knows he has to, but doesn’t want to. His head is splitting apart from pain. This headache is what he deserves for drinking so much yesterday. Shot after shot, glass after glass, trying to drown his sorrow so Shorter’s ramblings about his precious boyfriend would hurt less. 

Yesterday Ash watched Shorter crawling towards Eiji’s dormitory, and he knew that now was his chance. Ash returned to his room, crashed on his bed, and closed eyes. He imagined that instead of Eiji, Shorter chose to him. Shorter leaned down and pinned Ash hard against the mattress. Ash felt Shorter’s burning breath on his neck and his strong but gentle fingers finding their way down under his underwear. Ash touched himself, completely rejecting any remaining fragments of reality. Even if his head was full of alcohol, it still didn’t help him feel anything in the right way. Usually, for that, Ash used Shorter’s shirt or the blanket - anything that had his scent. Ash knew how toxic it was, but that moment, when his heart was pounding through his chest, he desperately needed the touch, and nothing else mattered. Ash sighed as he lifted himself and started reaching for Shorter’s blanket on the bed, but the door loudly opened.

Ash suddenly sits in the bed, cold beads of sweat starting to form on his forehead, when these memories come back like a flash.

He almost ruined everything, only because he wasn’t careful enough. Because he didn’t think of the possibility that Shorter might come back early. _How could Ash have known that Eiji would reject him?_ That never happened before. Ash could have counted that as a win, but for some reason wasn’t able to. In the end, he slept only for a few hours, because he had to listen to completely drunk Shorter’s whining until he passed out. Honestly, Ash barely listened to him, even though he accepted this as a price for being able to live together with Shorter.

As much as Ash hates everything at this moment, he has to be at least a responsible athlete because it’s his only escape. He forces himself to start a new day with a freezing cold shower before going out for a morning workout. When he comes back to his room, Shorter is still snoring loudly with nothing but underwear and a sheet covering his right leg only. Ash stares. This view makes him feel things he shouldn’t be feeling, it makes him want to do things he’s not supposed to want.

 _He has a boyfriend,_ a sober voice reminds him inside his head, and Ash wants to kill it. Ash comes closer and slowly starts reaching for Shorter, when a strange bubble inside the chest bursts. Shorter is holding his phone pressed to the chest, as if it’s something precious.

_"I'm not going to sleep until Eiji responds to my messages,"_

Shorter’s voice from yesterday inside Ash’s head suddenly changes the mood.

Ash grabs on Shorter’s legs and drags him down maybe even a little bit too hard. Ash is sure he put every last of his desperate feeling into that one move.

“Time to get moving, sleeping beauty. Get up.” Ash pokes his back, but Shorter only mutters something turning on his side, hugging the tip of his sheet, muttering complete nonsense. Any other day, Ash wouldn’t give up until Shorter wakes up, but not today. As Ash doesn’t get any clear answer after a few more kicks, he goes out slamming the door, leaving Shorter alone.

Before, this early morning run was exclusively Ash’s and Shorter’s tradition, until the day when Shorter decided for both of them that Eiji would join. 

No matter what, Ash never thought bad about Eiji. He was a nice person, and most of the time quiet. when they were alone without Shorter around. Maybe he was timid, or maybe he respected Ash’s privacy. Eiji wasn’t interested in Ash just like Ash wasn’t interested in him.

Ash himself isn’t a talkative person. But one thing leads another and somehow Ash got used to Eiji. Calling him a friend was the easiest solution, only because Ash didn’t bother himself to find another word.

There were days when they did talk a lot, he can’t lie. Their topics mostly were somehow related to sports and practice. To Ash's surprise, he found himself interested to learn about Eiji's pole vaulting skills and opinions on other sports. He had more in common with the Japanese boy than he previously thought. 

The freedom that one found in the air was the same as the other could feel in the water. Nothing compared to breaking a new personal record and seeing progress after hours of training. The competitive drive of both was fueled by an internal desire or some motivation that was difficult to describe. In that, they fully agreed.

When Eiji talked about pole vaulting his eyes were shining and it was clear in his voice how much he loved it.

_“The way you accelerate is very important, Ash! For a viewer like you, it looks very simple, in reality, they are like twenty specific steps and the last two are the most important for takeoff,” Eiji spoke with a fire in his voice and a wide smile, squeezing his phone with some Japanese animation character on the cover._

_“It is the same for us. The way you dive into the water defines the time you have to surpass your rivals. It has to be gradual, raising your arms and legs in sync with your head while you push yourself with your legs and all that while keeping your shoulders aligned with your back.” Ash explained leaning back on the bench and crossing arms across the chest. He didn’t want to lose this small competition._

_"It sounds complicated if you describe it like this." Eiji’s mouth went into a perfect ‘O’ shape and became even wider. Honestly, sometimes his childish curiosity made Ash feel weird. It very rarely made him want to talk more and keep that silly expression on Eiji’s face._

_"It is also important to tilt your hands up as you enter the water or you would be going straight to the bottom of the pool and your face would probably crash into the bottom," Ash added with a grin on his lips._

_"Do you speak from experience?" Eiji scoffed._

_"Totally. Oh, in one of my first swimming lessons Griffin adjusted my goggles really tight and that shit left a horrible mark for a couple of days. Then I learned how to place them correctly.” Ash sighed, pretending to be annoyed, and it worked well._

_"What a fool." Eiji covered his mouth hiding a giggle._

A conversation with Eiji like that doesn't happen that morning, even though Ash secretly really needs one. It’s just the two of them warming up and running around the field a couple of times, in silence. Eiji seems distant, discouraged. At first, Ash thinks Eiji is just focused on the routine, then a thought crosses that the reason might be tied to Eiji’s relationship with Shorter. The difference between Eiji and Shorter was that Eiji never complained to Ash about their relationship. Either he was keeping it for himself, or he had someone else to talk to.

Ash doesn’t really want to talk about it to Eiji either, but some devil pulls his tongue on purpose.

"What would you do if you were selected for the Olympic committee? I mean, being a professional athlete is going to involve a lot of overtime training. Maybe you have to leave a lot of things like ... your relationship with Shorter, for example.”

Ash is not even interested in the topic, he just wants to confirm his theory. On the other hand, he didn’t want Eiji to feel bad, but Ash realizes it too late. He made a huge mistake. Eiji doesn’t lift his eyes, and his face gets pale as if he’s about to faint. It’s bad. Ash has never seen Eiji like that before, and he was sure Shorter was just overreacting. Apparently not.

"It would be a fantastic opportunity. I hope Shorter can support me.” The smile that comes together with those words is not sincere. The awkward silence lasts for a couple more moments, until Eiji’s lips shutters before speaking again. “Did… did he say anything to you?”

Ash frowns. It’s the first time Eiji ever asked Ash about Shorter. They never had any agreement not to talk about Shorter’s and Eiji’s relationship, but both of them understood how odd it would be to discuss it, considering that Ash is Shorter’s best friend.

Ash was in love with Shorter since ninth grade. _Always. Always. Only him._ And even if he knew that Shorter was into both girls and boys, Ash never found the courage to make the first step. For very obvious reasons. If Shorter liked someone, he never hesitated to show it. That’s what happened with Eiji. That’s what happened with everyone before him. But Shorter never, not even once looked at Ash that way. And Ash was scared. He was scared to the core to lose Shorter, their friendship, their bond. Ash knew that Shorter was never serious about relationships and that if Ash voiced his true feelings, everything would just be a waste.

But with Eiji, Shorter has changed.

There was no point in hating Eiji, only because he became the lucky person who won Shorter’s heart. Eiji did nothing wrong, Ash brought this pain on himself first. And still. He’s better off to have his heart bleeding forever than lose his best friend.

“Sorr-y…. You don’t have to answer....” Eiji quickly drops his head down, cheeks burning even brighter.

It’s odd to talk about someone you’re in love with, with someone who took that person from you. That’s why Ash never asked, no matter what. He thought that being in love with Shorter gave him enough pain already. _Why would he need more of it?_ But… Eiji with blushed cheeks in front of Ash makes his heart pound. It’s a pity.

“He waited until you answered and then for the rest of the night whined how much he loves you.” Ash takes the knife and stabs right into his own heart, but somehow his face remains calm. It’s so empty. “And he didn’t get up for his morning run.”

Eiji’s pupils get at least two times wider, turning him into a child as if his general profile isn’t already enough. He has soft and round features, Ash never thought Shorter is into such a sweet and cute type, but maybe everyone is looking for someone who could represent what they are feeling inside.

“Shorter… he… I thought he skipped on purpose.” Eiji sighs with obvious relief on his face.

“I was just too pissed off about his whining yesterday to wake him up.” Ash sighs crossing arms on his chest. “Look, no matter what happened yesterday, I’m sure Shorter was just being a dumbhead. Like always.”

Ash doesn’t have any clue why he’s trying to defend Shorter. One thing he knows for sure, the situation is not Eiji’s fault. It just can’t be. 

“I should… probably wake him up, or else he’ll make his coach angry again.” Eiji says, walking back towards the dormitory block. “I’ll see you later at the cafeteria!” he waves already running away. He’s quick. Way faster than Ash or Shorter.

“No, you won’t,” he sighs going back to his stretching.

Ash’s heart is still pounding for no reason.

Ash avoids going back to the dorms. He goes straight to the pool, uses the common showers, and gets ready for the practice, even though it's still too early. Once he’s in the water nothing else matters. Water shuts down his thoughts, fills his chest with this light peace, absolute void, gives his life a shape, and then there’s nothing more than the goal he has to reach. From one side to another, he’s like a locked fish, who will never swim away from that glass square. At the same time, only this “square” keeps him moving forward. 

“Hey, Aslan!”

Unless someone interrupts. Ash hates that the most, but he can’t ignore this voice. He was just about to jump into the pool.

“Good morning, Max.” Ash steps down from the diving platform.

“Coming to practice before anyone else. I’d say I’m amazed you’re working hard since the first week, but… I hope you remember the doctor’s recommendations?” His coach stops a few steps away, with a smile, as if he’s looking at his own son.

“I’m fine. I want to practice.” Ash stubbornly holds onto his idea. They can’t take this away from him too.

They stare at each other. Ash surely is spending more time with Max than his real parents or brother. He was the one who took Ash to the international swimming camp in Australia. He's the one who always encourages Ash not to give up and tells only the truth about what Ash should improve. Max was the one who gave Ash hope about representing the USA in the international championship this year. Ash can’t let himself ruin this, not because of some stupid injury.

“Did you at least have breakfast? Griffin will take my head off if I don’t take care of his little brother properly.” Max sighs.

“Oh? So it’s all about Griffin, huh?” Ash giggles already standing on the platform again. “I did, I did, Max. Don’t worry.” Lying is way easier when Max doesn’t stare at his face.

“I told you that at school I'm Coach Lobo! And----”

Ash doesn’t hear the ending, neither he cares. Water takes him in. He could swim forever, dive forever, be here in this underwater world forever. It’s gone again. The emptiness is here. No pain about someone who will never love you back. For the first time since this morning, Ash finally breathes again.

When Max finally forces Ash to take a break, threatening that he will suspend Ash’s access to the pool if he keeps ignoring his dumb recommendations, it's way after lunch. Ash buys salad in the university’s store and maybe on purpose chose the way back to dormitories through the stadium. Ash knows that he won’t find Shorter and Eiji here, but still looks for them carefully. After a few more steps he freezes. If after lunch they didn’t come back to the field it means... it means they’re in the dormitory. Ash doesn’t know whose room they went to, but he doesn’t want to push his luck. Not today, for his first days he already had enough. Last year somehow it was easier, but during summer he just had too much time to miss Shorter.

Ash doesn’t want to stay outside and risk getting disturbed by someone, so he goes inside the south building which is used for gym during winter. At the end of the hallway, there is one classroom that no one uses. Either because there are enough classrooms in the main and west buildings, either because this one is so separated from everything else. Last winter Ash accidentally discovered it and of course told Shorter about it. No one ever locked it and it had a perfect view of the forest from the window. And most importantly, Ash knew no one would ever find him here.

He sees that the door is slightly open already from the other side of the hall. As Ash is coming closer, the inner voice starts scratching inside his head, demanding him to turn around and leave, but Ash doesn’t listen. His hand holding the transparent bag with his lunch inside shivers as he clenches his fist harder. He knows those sounds. He knows those nasty sounds so well and still, the devil is pushing him towards them. 

Ash stops next to the door, which is open just enough to see only a small part of the classroom, but it had to be precisely the one where Eiji’s head and naked shoulders are visible. He’s lying on the table, facing it, hands holding on the edges, forehead pressed against the plastic surface. Eiji is rocking together with the furniture. _Back and forth. Back and forth._ Squeaking from the old screws comes together with his dull moan. Ash sees him biting lower lip hard, restraining from making a louder noise. Eiji’s face is brighter than the dust before a windy day. 

“Doesn’t it feel good, baby? Why are you so quiet? I want to hear your voice!”

Shorter is breathless but still manages to talk with that sweet seductive tone that he keeps only for Eiji. The sound starts scratching in one spot and burns its way through Ash’s whole body like a chain. He can’t move, but his eyes are painfully itching. 

“Ngh...ah… someone…. might… he-ar…us… ah…” Eiji cries, squeezing the edges of the table until his fingers turn white. His muscles are tense, formed into a beautiful and graceful shape. His body lines are sharp, but not as sharp as the knife in Ash’s stomach.

Shorter appears. He has his shirt on, but since it’s a tank top, it doesn’t matter. Ash still sees his broad and naked shoulders, triceps covered in sweat pearls, as he wraps his arms around Eiji’s body, taking his chin between long fingers, and places his lips on the back of his neck.

“Let them hear….” Shorter quietly groans, with such a strong hint of lust, that Ash loses control of his balance. 

Ash almost drops his bag, but somehow manages not to. He wants to run and forget, but some force is holding him so hard stuck to the floor, that he can only stare frozen, even though every cell of his body is screaming. 

_Back and forth. Back and forth._ Ash doesn’t know how to breathe anymore.

“Babe… are you cumming? For me? Are you?” Shorter’s restless voice like burning magma leaves an almost visible trace in the air. When Eiji only whines his answer, Shorter presses Eiji’s cheek against the table and occupies Eiji’s ear with his lips.

It takes one second too long for Ash to realize. Suddenly when his skin flushes in flames he clearly sees dark eyes staring at him. Eiji’s look is wide open, almost horrified at first. The brown chocolate color somehow is screaming without a sound, but Ash still hears it. And it hypnotizes. With the same greed inside and Ash opens his shivering lips a bit. 

_Eiji..._

“Ash…” Eiji’s lips stutter the call as if he could read Ash’s mind, but at that instant, a scream follows, but Ash is already gone.

That moment when he heard his name, something crashed inside Ash and he instantly moved back. He turned around and ran faster than he had ever run before. Ash hates running, but this moment he could have run to the end of the earth without stopping. Where he dropped the bag with salad, he doesn’t have any clue. He next realizes that he's already in his car driving away from the campus. Ash is speeding and he doesn’t care, he is not even sure where he’s going, until the streets get a familiar vibe.

His head is empty, there is a huge hole in the chest and he doesn’t have any clue how to stop this void from spreading further. Ash stops the car in the parking lot next to the apartment block. He turns off the engine but doesn’t move further. It took about two hours for him to come here, but today the drive ended in one, and Ash doesn’t remember most of it. He’s not even sure that he saw the road well, everything was foggy from the burning mist in his eyes, hard to focus because of the scratching in his dry throat. Ash leans down until the forehead bumps into the wheel. His heart pounds painfully with a quiet sob that finally leaves his mouth. Ash hugs himself around the waist, trying to press his arms as hard as he can around himself so that his chest would hurt less, but it doesn’t help. Nothing helps.

Ash didn’t move until his heartache rung him out, until he was so dry inside, that no more tears would come. His insides still feel twisted, with his closed eyes Ash still saw the same stuck frame. _Back and forth. Back and forth._ Replaying the torture over and over again.

When Ash finally gets out of the car the sun is already gone in horizons of New York’s cityscape. Ash feels like he is drunk. His head spins, but his legs know the way so well that he almost doesn’t need to look where he’s going. Ash enters the passcode then goes towards the elevator. The way to the sixth floor has never been so long.

“Aslan?” Griffin opens the door soon after he presses the doorbell. “What---” brother shuts before finishing. “Come inside, hurry…. it’s cold in the hallway.”

Of course, Ash is still in his shorts and t-shirt, but he doesn’t feel anything until Griffin mentions how freezing it is. Only then Ash realizes that he’s trembling. He comes inside and takes off his sneakers, then goes towards the dining room, while Griffin is busy searching for any clothes that Ash could borrow. He comes back with a hoodie and long pants.

“Aslan, take this… and…” he starts, but again doesn’t finish because Ash is standing in the middle of the room like a statue. Griffin puts his clothes on the table and stops in front of his brother with a deep sigh. “Welcome home…” he opens his arms, and as much as Ash always tries to pretend that he’s okay, this time he doesn’t want to.

“I’m back…” he quietly answers and hugs Griffin, resting his head on his shoulder. He’s so warm, in his arms feels so safe, just like back in childhood. Griffin places his hand on Ash’s head and his breathing calms. He always made Ash stronger, even when he felt so helpless like now.

They stand like this for a while, and then Griffin makes tea for Ash and warms up some food from the fridge. Ash can’t enjoy the taste, but it’s not Griffin’s fault. He’s perfectly aware of the reason why Ash is like that, it’s been years and Griffin reads him like an open book. Not mention the fact that Ash’s eyes are red. But the best part is that Griffin doesn’t say a word, avoiding the topic as much as possible, talking about his annoying coworkers from the company and overcrowded subways. And still, the support that Griffin gives out is more than Ash thought he needs. He almost doesn’t say a word during his stay, but when their eyes finally meet, Ash tenderly smiles and Griffin seems relieved.

“Maybe you’d like to stay over? I could get the couch ready for you? It’s getting a bit late to go back…” Griffin suggests washing dishes.

Of course, the real reason why Griffin tells Ash this is because he knows Ash will have to share the room with Shorter. But brother knows how to twist it smoothly.

“No, I’m fine… I have practice tomorrow in the morning and I also need to catch up with the classes I missed today.” Ash shakes his head and gets up from the table. “Thank you for…. the dinner.”

Griff knows that Ash is actually thanking him for so much more than that.

“Yeah…” Griffin answers with a smile on his lips like always. “But please Aslan, maybe… maybe it’s time to let go of your pain, hm?” the sadness in his eyes shows how much Griffin is worried.

Ash wants to answer that it’s not that simple to order your heart to stop aching, but he just nods. 

The drive back to campus is way longer, and Ash feels so drained and tired, that he almost regrets not staying over at Griffin’s house. When he finally parks the car and goes towards the dorm, the first thing he notices that the light is on. Ash stops. He doesn’t want to go there, but if he goes to sleep somewhere else tonight, he still needs to take some stuff with him.

Ash knocks on the door, and when no one answers. It’s empty, so Ash uses the chance to open his wardrobe and take out some clothes for tomorrow’s classes, but before he’s done the door opens and Shorter, only with the towel on his hips, comes inside. His hair is moist and skin still covered in water drops after the shower.

“What’s going on?” he asks Ash without any greeting, and Ash quickly turns his head away before the view in front of his eyes completely consumes him.

“Nothing, I’m sleeping at Sing’s place today.” Ash lies, secretly hoping that Yut-Lung isn't staying over instead.

“Alright… you skipped all your classes, where were you? Practice?” Shorter continues interrogating.

If he was at least a little bit more attentive, he would have noticed that clothes Ash wearing don't belong to him. Funny, because when it comes to Eiji, Ash has never seen Shorter more attentive.

“Who are you, my mother? Chill dude.” Ash doesn’t care about the stuff he needs any more, he grabs the clothes he already chose and wants to leave, but Shorter is blocking the door. “What the hell, let me pass.”

“That’s my question! What the hell got into you? You know you can tell me, I’m your best friend!”

That’s the problem. That’s the biggest problem of all. He’s just a friend. Ash’s only friend, who keeps breaking Ash’s heart without realizing it. It’s not even Shorter’s fault and still… 

Ash turns his head until their eyes meet. _Let go. Maybe it’s time to let go._

“Ash… you can trust---”

Ash grabs Shorter’s hair and pulls down before he finishes the sentence. _Trust. Ash’s heartbeat is going feral._

Shorter’s lips are hot and wet just like Ash imagined. They taste sweet, but the feeling intoxicates him like a deadly poison. Ash’s body craves for Shorter to touch him, for more, but this can’t last. It takes only one moment of this agony for tears to lock Ash’s throat. He quickly groans, pushing Shorter away and walks out.

Ash ended sleeping in the back of his car, or at least he tried to. Going to Sing’s room could mean a lot of questions, to which Ash doesn’t have an answer. He knows he screwed up big time. The taste of Shorter’s lips didn’t fade away, no matter how hard Ash tried to remove it. He should have walked away without saying a word and the next day blamed his bad mood on practice or something. Now it was too late. Ash crossed the line, the line he had so carefully walked for so many years. And what for? Now he doesn’t have anything. Shorter only stood there frozen, he didn’t react. Maybe that was for the best. Ash doesn’t have any idea what he will do tomorrow. Maybe he’ll have to move out to another block. _Maybe… he can let go… maybe… he must._

Ash rolls on his side, covering the head with his jacket. 

He instantly knows that the day will be shitty when he woke up after restless sleep, and yesterday’s flashback floods his head. Even a hangover feels better than this. His left hand is numb, back pain makes him feel at least ten years older. Ash kicks the door, but of course, it doesn't open.

His phone battery is dead, but the clock in his car is showing that he missed not only morning jogging, but also is late for practice. Finally, he manages to fall out of the vehicle and move towards the natatorium. He takes a quick shower before entering the locker room. Ash suddenly stops next to his locker because of stabbing pain in his shoulder. It’s because he slept in the car, no other reason, and should hopefully disappear as soon as he starts swimming.

Once Ash enters the swimming pool, Max’s eyes are already on him, but he doesn’t say anything. Griffin must have called him. Ash doesn’t have any idea why it’s so annoying. He wants to stretch before diving in, but once Ash tries to lift his hands, stabbing pain almost makes him lose the balance and fall. Ash grabs on the shoulder looking at the water and waiting until burning calms down, but it doesn’t seem to fade away any time soon. However Ash can’t wait anymore, he needs to feel the water and wash every thought away from the head.

The familiar tension takes over every cell as Ash inhales deeply before putting on his goggles and crouches on top of the starting block. _Live. Forget._ He had better jumps in his life. This one is rather chaotic and a bit too rushed. It’s a rock on his chest, and Ash feels like he’s falling into nothingness, the pain in the shoulder sears, and Ash gasps, taking in a gulp of water. There’s only Shorter’s frozen face from when they kissed and Eiji’s eyes full of lust when he called Ash’s name, while having sex with Shorter.

Next thing Ash knows, he’s already next to the pool surrounded by people.

“Ash!” 

Max’s lips are moving, but it’s not his voice. Ash slowly blinks, turning his head to the source of the sound, until his and Eiji’s eyes meet. They are full of horror, mouth covered with shivering fingers.

“What the hell are you---” Ash leans on his side and starts coughing.

“Everyone goes back to practice! You, Aslan, are coming with me!” 

Max’s voice is cold like ice, and it’s the first Ash hears him sound so angry. Max helps Ash to stand up and then drags him to the changing room. He’s fully soaked, his ears red from anger arms crossed tightly across his chest

“What the hell you were thinking?!” Max raises his voice from the first sentence, just after Ash sits down. “If not Okumura. who noticed your strange behavior, you could have drowned. I can’t always look after you! You’re not a kid, Aslan, why you’re not taking care of yourself?! Have you eaten today? Does your shoulder hurt?! If you’re not feeling well, you shouldn’t swim. How many times I have to tell you that?!” Max doesn’t even try to control his voice and Ash is sure that it’s possible to hear him in the hallway as well.

“Why are you so angry, it’s not like I planned on drowning.” Ash sighs, ignoring most of his words, but one thing doesn’t leave his head. 

_Why Eiji is here?_

“Do you think it’s funny?” Max groans. “I forbid you to enter the pool until you show me a note from the doctor that you’re allowed to go back to regular physical exertion!”

“What?! You can’t do that! What about the championship! I need to train!” Ash jumps on his feet but has to grab on the locker when the head starts spinning.

“You need to get your shit together and take care of yourself! Fuck the championship, you’re not going anywhere! There is nothing more important than your health! No one needs dead swimmers!” Max doesn’t calm down until he freezes after realizing that maybe he has crossed the line. “I mean… shit, Aslan. I’m not joking… you’re not allowed to swim until you get better. That’s my last word.”

“What… am I supposed to do then?”

Ash’s whole body is covered in goosebumps. His throat is dry and itchy. Swimming is his life, without it, he’ll be a wreck, he’ll have too much time to think.

“I don’t know… study for classes, rest your shoulder… do whatever it takes if you want to go back.” Max takes a long pause then sighs. “You got me really scared. I don’t want to feel that ever again. I don’t want to lose my best student…”

Max probably expects Ash to go nuts or agree, but he doesn’t give any answer, so Max leaves him alone. They both need to calm down, but Ash just knows that Max won’t change his mind. Ash slowly sits down, holding on that cursed shoulder and leaning against the locker.

“Hey… Ash…” timid voice knocks the air. Ash doesn’t want to lift his head and look at him, but he does it without thinking.

“What? Came to judge me as well?”

“No… I brought you a towel.” Eiji comes closer holding a white towel pressed to his chest, eyes keeping down on the floor.

“Why are you even here, Eiji?” Ash doesn’t understand a thing, and honestly, he’s too tired to think.

“I was worried when you disappeared yesterday, and Shorter told me that you went to sleep at Sing’s place… but Yue also slept at Sing’s place and he was pretty sure that you were not there… so…” Eiji explains, still looking down but he passes the towel to Ash and he takes it, but only holds it in his hand.

“I see you did some investigation…” Ash sarcastically giggles. “Well… did Shorter say anything else?” Ash doesn’t know why he asks this. From sudden surprise in Eiji’s face, as he finally lifts the head, obviously that Shorter didn’t.

“No… he didn’t… I… about… that…” suddenly Eiji’s face burns up. He wants to say something so badly, but can’t. More than that, Ash is sure he doesn’t want to hear it. They both don’t need it now.

“I slept at my brother’s place.” Ash shrugs, finally covering his shoulders with the towel. 

“You went all the way to the center of New York and back??” Eiji opens his mouth. “Is he okay??”

“Yeah, he’s fine, don’t worry.” Ash keeps his face still as much as possible. He wouldn’t have fooled Shorter with this obvious lie. “Anyway… Max told me that you were the one who shouted for help, so… thanks.” Ash clears his throat, finding that this way is the best to end the conversation. They don’t need to go any further.

“I heard Max saying that you can’t go to practice for the time being…”

“Yeah, I think everyone in the building heard it,” Ash sighs, this time getting up slowly, feeling Eiji’s eyes on him the whole time. 

Ash never noticed how obvious their height difference was. Eiji is still blushing. _What for?_

“Do you want me to help with your shoulder?” he asks slowly, again getting shy and looking away, for some reason Ash feels the urge to laugh. “Sorry I overheard it as well… I hope it’s not that bad.”

_Just admit that you were listening on purpose._

“It’s just an old injury…” Ash shakes his head. “But what do you mean?”

“Well… as a track and field athlete, I know a lot of exercises that might help… I also have to do them constantly to keep my form...so….” Eiji bites his bottom lip, glancing at Ash for a second. Eiji blushes even more when he catches Ash staring.

His head is empty, everything around Ash is slowly melting and there is only Eiji’s flushed face in front. Ash doesn’t know why his heart suddenly races like crazy and the oxygen dissolves from the lungs. 

_He’s cute. Eiji is really cute._

“Yeah… why not.” Ash hears himself answer before thinking and Eiji’s eyes suddenly light up. It’s something Ash never noticed before. _Those sparkles. Was he always so sweet?_

* * *

“Can you really jump that high?” Ash laughs staring at the crossbar that is so high that anyone who can jump over it practically flying.

They are taking a rest after one set of exercises. Eiji said they could start any other day, but Ash didn’t see any point in waiting. He knows he has to return to swimming as soon as possible. Ash hears football practice from across the field. Shorter must be there. _Can he see them?_

“I can show you! And then we’ll go to have lunch, okay?”

 _Eiji already made Ash eat breakfast and now he wants him to stick to his perfect schedule?_ Ash can’t say no. When he agrees, Eiji jumps on his feet and claps, overexcited.

“I’ll get everything ready, can you bring me the pole from over there?” he gestures to the rack of vaulting poles and is already running to set everything up.

Ash walks slowly. He can’t believe just a few weeks ago he returned from Australia, met Shorter for the first time after summer and they had so much fun at their favorite bar. A few days ago, Ash thought it would be just another year in silence. It feels like years have passed since that dormitory party on their first day back. And just a few hours ago Ash understood that it can’t continue like this. 

Ash takes one pole from the pile and turns around to go back just to see that half-naked, only with the towel on his shoulder, Shorter is hugging Eiji around the waist, smiling and nuzzling into his cheek. Eiji is looking up at him answering with the soft expression, his lips are moving, but Ash can’t hear what they are talking about.

Ash frowns. The last thing he needs now is to remember what happened yesterday. He doesn’t want to think about this at all. On the other hand, what about Shorter? _What will he do?_

His best friend suddenly turns his head. Shorter’s and Ash’s eyes meet.

“You okay, Ash?” he waves with a wide smile. “Alex is organizing a party today. It will be wild and we are absolutely going.”

 _So that’s how they will go?_ Like nothing happened. _Ignorance was always the best solution for him._

_Fine._

“Of course.” Ash smiles.

As long as he can stay by Shorter’s side, nothing else matters. He’ll do anything. He doesn’t care about his wounded heart. _It’s fine._

_It’s fine. Ash is not letting him go._

__

* * *

* * *

“Hey! Dude where are you going?!” Cain hisses at Shorter, sneaking away from the field, while Coach Blanca is shouting at some poor freshman during the break. The rest of the members are trying to catch breathe.

“To hug my boyfriend. Cover me, pleeeease!” Shorter puts his palms together with a quick wink, but Cain’s face is plain. “I’ll be quick!” Shorter promises speeding. He drops his helmet on the ground and throws the towel over his naked shoulder. Shorter knows Cain won’t let him down.

Shorter saw them from across the field. Eiji and Ash together, exercising. He couldn’t take his eyes away, nor focus on the practice, but luckily Blanca today chose another victim to take his anger out on, so Shorter didn’t even have to try that hard. The second that they took a break for the coach to scream his throat out, Shorter jumped at the chance to escape. 

He doesn’t know what was dragging him towards Eiji and Ash. He just saw Eiji this morning. A very, very annoying voice in the head is saying that Shorter is doing it not for Eiji, but for someone else, but he doesn’t listen to it. As he’s getting closer, his heart starts pounding harder and a huge smile spreads across his face. Eiji is standing in the middle of the running track drinking from his purple water bottle, which Shorter bought for him as a joke. Only because of the color.

_“It reminds me of you.” Eiji laughed at the store looking at it._

_Next thing he knows, Shorter gets it for him. Shorter would do anything so that Eiji could feel his presence all the time when they’re not together._

“Hey, babe” Shorter hugs him from behind, wrapping his arms even tighter around his waist when Eiji lightly flinches, but his shoulders relax almost instantly. “What are you scared of?” he giggles leaning a bit down and rubs his cheek into Eiji’s. His skin is hot and sweaty.

“I didn’t hear you coming…” Eiji lifts his head with the softest smile, placing his arms on Shorter’s. “Hey, love.”

“I run like an elephant, how is it even possible not to hear me?” Shorter leaves a small kiss on his cheek laughing, but eyes unconsciously dart to the side.

_You see, Ash? I have a boyfriend. And I love him. Do you see how sweet we are? Why did you kiss me? What was going through your head?_

_What?_

“You okay, Ash?” Shorter stretches his back and waves. His lips are smiling, but his heart is still pounding too quickly. “Alex is organizing a party today. It’ll be wild and we are absolutely going.” 

Shorter is lying and he has no clue why he does that. There’s no party, but of course, it won’t be hard to make one happen. Most importantly, as soon as Shorter met those jade eyes, his mouth moved without him even thinking about what he was saying. 

“Of course,” Ash answers with his casual expression.

_Maybe yesterday doesn’t mean anything to him? Maybe Shorter is just overthinking things._

“You didn’t tell me about any party.” Eiji glares at Shorter with pouty cheeks. He doesn’t like the idea of a party in the middle of the week. Shorter knows, but now it’s too late.

“I didn’t? Sorry, babe, I forgot. It’s nothing serious, really. We’re just gonna chill.”

Eiji’s expression doesn’t change. Their last fight happened because of a party, but Shorter can assure Eiji that he suffered enough not to make the same mistakes again.

“Do you trust me?” he presses Eiji closer to his chest. One part of his brain still hoping that Ash is watching.

_Why?_

Eiji slowly nods.

“Wong! I’ll kick you out of the team if you won’t bring your ass now back instead of flirting with your boyfriend! Or does it count as exercise as well?! Should we all try it out?!”

Blanca’s scream through the megaphone reaches every part of the field, making Eiji instantly blush and jump away, while Shorter is cursing Cain in his head. 

“No you won’t, coach! I’m the captain!” Shorter’s arms fall down empty and he screams his lungs back at Blanca.

“You think so, Wong?!”

_Damn it, he might actually._

Eiji gives Shorter a gentle push to urge him to return to his team, and Shorter does, still feeling Ash’s burning stare on his back.

Since Eiji is a third-year student, and Shorter and Ash are both in second year together, Shorter ends up not seeing Eiji again that day. Blanca gave him extra work and Shorter skipped lunch, and after that, he had to convince Alex to throw a party in the middle of the week. But when Shorter came to his theory class, twenty minutes late, Ash passed his favorite sandwich across the table and they both ended up sitting next to each other as nothing happened. _Maybe it didn’t, after all?_ Shorter smiled for his best friend, and Ash smiled back.

_Do you trust me?_

Shorter shouldn’t have asked this back then. It’s not even 10 pm and he’s completely drunk, vibing on the broken couch at the back of Alex’s house. Shorter thought that his concerns about his relationship would disappear after a few shots, but they didn’t, not even after the third or fourth. 

Shorter takes a deep gulp of chilly autumn air, not holding back from curses tumbling out from his mouth. It’s not easy. It’s not easy to have a best friend like Ash, who is always in the spotlight even though he hates it so much. He attracts boys and girls like a magnet without even trying, archives the best results without much effort. Basically, he can have anything he wants. 

Shorter was never jealous of Ash. Even when they first met in high school and Ash was the golden child of senior year, Shorter was so damn proud of him. He waited to get home from school each afternoon to tell Nadia about his awesome friend. Everyone Shorter ever met knew about Ash and how great he is. Shorter accepted living in Ash’s shadow, but he never begrudged him for it. He found his own way to meet people. 

However, watching how Ash literally can have anyone he wants on this planet and still ignoring the whole world sometimes irritated Shorter. If Ash started dating someone, maybe he would care about himself more. Maybe Ash would learn to appreciate himself and see how perfect his life is.

Eiji came into Shorter’s life like a blessing. Flirting with him was fun until Eiji finally got the courage to flirt back. At first, Shorter didn’t take it seriously, because everyone fucks with his feelings until they meet someone better. But Eiji didn’t. He stood by Shorter’s side, small and warm, with his gentle smile and caring heart. Shorter didn’t even realize the exact moment that he fell for Eiji's charms. Meeting Eiji freed Shorter from the shadow that was hiding him. He didn’t have to think about anything, only about Eiji and it made Shorter’s life easier. He never thought that he’d fall so hard for someone, but he did. And Shorter didn’t want to get up. Finally, he had everything he wanted. Perfect best friend, perfect boyfriend, perfect plan for the future.

_Then why?_

“I love him, you know.” Shorter speaks out loud, leaning back on the couch and staring at the cloudy dark sky.

“I know.”

Ash has been standing there for a while already. Shorter didn’t hear him coming outside from the back door, but he knew Ash was there. That strong presence of his was always so visible.

“I really love him.” Shorter repeats, not evening blinking.

“I know, I know, let’s go back, you’re completely drunk. Want me to take you to his dorm? Don’t you think he'll be---”

“I love him, Aslan!” Shorter suddenly drops forward, jumps, and grips Ash’s shoulders.

“Fuck I know!! Let me go!” he yells back, with completely feral eyes, trying to push Shorter away, but Ash's strength is nothing compared to his.

“Then why?” Shorter swallows the rock inside his throat. Ash’s face is spinning, but Shorter sees his eyes clearly. He can’t look away.

“Why what?!” Ash freezes in Shorter’s hands.

After Ash left the room yesterday, Shorter tried to laugh and convince himself that something was wrong with Ash’s mood and that his actions had no deeper meaning. But when Eiji called before he went to sleep, Shorter told him that Ash went to stay at Sing’s place. He just couldn’t bring himself to invite Eiji over, not after what happened. 

After they finished talking, Shorter closed his eyes, waiting for the door to quietly open and Ash to sneak back inside, but nothing happened. However, the taste of Ash’s lips lingered and Shorter’s heart jumped inside his chest like a ball. No matter how hard he tried to think about Eiji that night, he could only see Ash’s face getting closer.

“Why did you… kiss me?” Shorter hands fall, but Ash doesn’t move from his spot. Shorter can feel his heart beating in his temples. 

“It was an accident, man… sorry. I… didn’t… even think about it, I was just pissed off… about… someone else.” Ash grins and then laughs, running his hand through his blond hair. “Come on, let’s go back… seriously you’re drunk.”

“Why are you lying to me? For the second time… you’ve never lied to me before, Ash.” Shorter doesn’t know why it hurts so badly, but it feels like it’s tearing him apart.

“What are you saying, dude… I’m not lying. I’m going back, you can stay if you want.” Ash turns around and Shorter is left to stare at his back. It’s so fucking unfair. Because everything is so easy for Ash. He just comes and takes what he wants without explanations, and he’ll be forgiven, no matter how much damage he causes.

_Not anymore._

“What the fuck are you doing?” 

Ash freezes when Shorter suddenly slams the door from behind with both hands, so Ash couldn’t open it. At the same time, he’s locking Ash between his arms. The blond man is breathing fast and hard, Shorter feels Ash’s heart beating like crazy against his own chest. 

“Let the fuck go of the door, Shorter.”

He doesn’t. Because Ash is lying. He could tell. Ash must tell the truth because if he doesn’t, Shorter won’t be able to find peace. _Why did he do that? What was his motive? Why now? Where was he all those years?_

As Shorter doesn’t move, and Ash just sighs and slowly turns around. He’s a bit shorter but not small enough to look fragile. The green flame is his eyes shows that he’s a fighter, that he won’t give up so easily. Shorter clenches his fists leaning even more forward.

“Stop this.”

“Why? Why do you want to ruin me?”

“Ruin you?” Ash pauses. “ _Ruin you?_ ” he repeats with a sarcastic laugh. “Fuck you, Wong, you’re so freaking blind!” Ash groans, but still doesn’t move “Get off! Go and cry to Eiji, there’s nothing I can say that’ll make you feel any better! ”

“Why are you bringing Eiji into this?! I’m talking about _you_ !” Shorter shouts back. _Why Ash is trying to blame him?_

Ash’s angry expression morphs into one of pain, and Shorter feels his stomach drop. He’s never seen Ash look so hurt before.

“Fuck, Griffin was right!” Ash cried, his voice cracking. “I should just end this! I can’t do it anymore! I can’t...” he continues raising his voice, and Shorter feels the dots connect, even in light of his inebriation.

“End? End what?” His tone suddenly drops, turning to a whisper. “End what…? What are you ending, Ash?”

It’s like he’s speaking to a wall. Ash lost his coolness, he stared at one spot on Shorter’s chest, slowly blinking. His lips move, and Shorter hopes that he misunderstood. He feels like he’s been kicked in the stomach. He heard Ash perfectly well. 

“I’m in love with you, Shorter. I was… since high school.”

Shorter tries to understand, but his drunk brain just wouldn’t work. He wants to understand how many years Ash held onto his feelings without acting on his desires even once. How many times Shorter misunderstood Ash’s sadness thinking that he was suffering because some girl dumped him. How many times Ash had to see him with Eiji…. how many years Shorter was blind? Because why would Ash Lynx fall for _him_?

“Man… I….”

“Don’t say anything. Please,” Ash stops him. “Just let me go through. I’ll take my stuff from the dorm and leave. I don’t… I don’t want…”

Shorter grabs Ash’s jacket and pulls him hard into a kiss. Every nerve in Shorter’s body seems to explode and the intensity of experiencing Ash like this is almost unbearable. Regardless of whether Shorter wants this or not, he knows Ash’s body well. Only from looking at him for so many years, only from the way Ash used to hug Shorter when he dragged Shorter back home, completely drunk and hanging onto Ash like a lifeline. 

Ash answers. Shorter doesn’t need to try more, his hands wander until he grasps on Shorter’s hair hard. His tongue slides inside Shorter’s mouth, a hot peppermint taste spreads inside that drives him crazy. Ash didn’t drink tonight, and Shorter hasn’t noticed. All these years he hasn’t noticed anything. The kiss is painful, it’s strong and destructive. Shorter doesn’t touch Ash, but he tilts his head to get Ash deeper inside of him to taste more and feel harder. 

Familiar tension between Shorter's legs responds when Ash moans into his mouth. Shorter bites Ash’s bottom lip and teases him before diving back into the kiss. Their lips are crushing into a slow but passionate embrace, with thick saliva hanging on each other's lips, with a burning heat breathing for each other. They don't need oxygen. Shorter doesn’t need anything else. He doesn’t need to go further. He already lost himself.

It was the best kiss Shorter ever experienced, but the aftermath cut his chest to pieces. 

Confirmation.

“You love him,” Ash whispers.

This is goodbye.

Ash left. 

When Shorter finally, with Alex’s help, somehow reaches his dorm, Ash’s stuff is gone. And he's not coming back.

* * *

“You want to talk about this?” Eiji’s voice wakes Shorter up from his slumber. 

They were supposed to run through their usual workout regimes in the morning but instead ended up sitting on a bench, staring absently at the sports field in front of them. Shorter doesn’t want to admit it, but he’s been waiting for Ash to show up. He wanted to just pretend that nothing had happened between them and just let things return to normal. Shorter needs Ash, just like he needs Eiji. He thought that his feelings for each of them were different, but now his whole chest feels heavy and he can’t understand what’s going on inside his head.

“About what…?” Shorter glances at Eiji, who slides closer to him. 

“Well… about yesterday, I guess. Is there anything you want to tell me?”

 _He knows._ Shorter forgets how to breathe for a second. He still feels Ash's body, his hot tongue inside his mouth. Shorter can still hear Ash’s loud and desperate breaths against his mouth. His body suddenly becomes stiff. _Did Ash tell him? When? How? Why?_

“Shorter? Hey…” Eiji’s hands quickly find their way to cup Shorter’s face and their eyes meet. Shorter doesn’t know where to begin, how to explain. “You can tell me…”

Eiji doesn’t look angry or upset and it confuses Shorter even more. He looks at his lover, his heart feeling as though it has been pierced with jagged glass. Guilty and embarrassed, because no matter how hard he tries, he can’t feel any regret about what he did yesterday. He cheated on Eiji. He hurt the most important person in his life. Eiji doesn’t deserve it.

“It’s killing me to see you like this…” Eiji sighs, his voice fraught with concern. “Yue told me… that Ash is moving into Sing’s room… is everything okay?”

“Yes… I… _shit_ …” Instead of a proper answer, Shorter wraps his arms around Eiji, pressing him against his chest. He buries his the face in the crook of Eiji’s shoulder and tries to control his breathing. 

Eiji’s response is quick and gentle as always. He softly rubs Shorter’s back and, pressing a light kiss on his cheek and then melting into Shorter’s arms. 

_He doesn’t know about the kiss._ For some reason, even this realization doesn’t make Shorter feel better. It still hurts the same. _No, for some reason it hurts even more._

“You two have fought before, right?” Eiji continues trying to comfort Shorter. “Maybe you both just overreacted? Such a long friendship can’t possibly end because of some fight, come on,” he giggles. Shorter sighs.“I can try talking with him if you want…” Eiji offers again.

“No.” Shorter interrupts too fast. “No, Eiji. Forget about it. Just forget it. Please.” Shorter leans back a little bit back, until his eyes meet Eiji’s own. “Just… let him do what he wants. It doesn’t matter.”

“What do you mean it doesn’t matter? Shorter, Ash is my friend as well. Well, yeah, maybe not as close as to you, but still. And what about Ash’s feelings? Don’t you think he feels the same as you? What happene--”

“Nothing. Nothing happened.” Suddenly Shorter stands up, leaving Eiji on the bench with his arms empty. “I need to go.”

Shorter leaves. It’s the first time he’s left Eiji alone, just like that. Without answers, acting very selfishly and hurting him even more. Shorter hears Eiji calling his name, but he doesn’t stop. He doesn’t even turn around. He knows that Eiji isn’t following him. One mistake. He only made one mistake and it fucked everything up so badly. Shorter doesn’t even know why he kissed Ash back. He can’t stand the volume of his thoughts. They’re too loud.

He comes back into his room and the first thing looks at Ash’s side. It’s empty. _It’s so freaking empty._ Shorter sits on Ash’s bed and remembers all those times he fell asleep on it when he came back drunk and got their beds mixed up, and all those times Ash pulled him out of bed onto the floor. 

_Did Ash actually feel something for Shorter back then? Just how long has he been hiding his feelings?_ _If it’s true, then how Ash felt seeing Shorter and Eiji always cuddling and kissing next to him? How was he able to pretend that everything was okay, and for such a long time?_ After what happened yesterday, Shorter couldn’t believe that it was only a joke. The way Ash’s body responded…

Shorter clenched his fist around his spiky hair so hard it was as though he intended to rip it out. He hurt his best friend, _and_ he hurt his boyfriend, _and_ he doesn’t have any clue about how to fix it. Shorter never thought he’d end up in a situation like this. Obviously he can’t choose. His first priority is and always will be Eiji. Because Eiji did nothing wrong, and Shorter loves him to bits. Just thought of losing him is way too crushing to bear. 

_But life without Ash… life without his best friend… life without his… lips…._

Shorter jumps on his feet and runs out of the room towards the stadium. The only solution to escape everything at least for a while is football. He can’t let himself think anymore.

* * *

“Shorter!!” Eiji flings open the door to the infirmary with such force that Shorter is sure that he heard it crack.

“It’s okay… Eiji. Nothing happened.” Shorter murmurs to calm his boyfriend down, pressing his remote to lift his bed a bit with a weak smile. 

“Can you stop saying this?! Cain said that you were acting totally reckless today during the game! And you pissed off the rival team so much with your attitude that some big guy knocked you down and you didn’t get up! What’s wrong? Did he hurt you? Where?”

_Thank you again, Cain._

Eiji slams the doors and runs towards Shorter, scanning him with both eyes, searching for his injury. He’s so worried that it’s almost cute. Shorter catches Eiji’s fingers and presses hard when he tries to pull the hand away.

“It’s not funny, Shorter! I felt sick when Cain told me! Please… stop. Stop doing that. I don’t know how much more I can take…”

“I’m sorry…. It’s nothing serious, really.” Shorter smiles for Eiji.

“You always say that…” Eiji sighs in defeat, sitting on the bed next to Shorter.

Shorter usually can’t explain himself and this time is no different. He doesn’t even remember what exactly happened. Shorter felt overtaken by emotions and throwing them out with physical force seemed like a nice way to relax. Maybe he overdid it. The next thing he remembers is Blanca shouting at him while his worried teammates circled around him. He didn’t want to go to the infirmary, but his legs refused to work, so no one trusted him.

“And I’m always right…” Shorter keeps the same expression on his face, as he presses lips to Eiji’s fingers. “I’m glad that you came here though.”

There was nothing more than honesty in his words. They dragged Shorter here right away so he didn’t have a chance to take his phone from the locker and text Eiji about what happened. On the other hand, Shorter thought he’d just rest for a few minutes and leave, but once he laid down, he didn’t want to get up. A rogue part of Shorter, the same part that he wished to silence through violent physical exertion, hoped that the person who came to see him would be Ash. Because Ash is the first person that Cain would tell, right? But Ash won’t come… _and why should he?_

Eiji sits there with pouty cheeks, but his shivering fingers on Shorter’s lips betray his anger.

Shorter pulls him down a bit, and Eiji easily gives up. He lays down on Shorter’s chest and sighs, with his free hand clenching on Shorter’s shirt.

“When was the last time you washed your uniform?”

Shorter knows Eiji is trying to to lift the mood, and Shorter lets him. His hand slides under Eiji’s tank top, tracing his sweaty but strong body lines, rubbing his over-sensitive skin until his boyfriend quietly gasps into Shorter’s chest.

“The nurse might come…” Eiji whispers but does nothing to stop Shorter.

“No one will come.” Shorter answers with a desperate tone and, of course, Eiji gives in.

Their fingers intertwine harder, as Eiji lifts his head and reaches a bit further. Just before their lips meet, Shorter’s lips curve into a smile. Eiji’s kisses are like always, whenever they do it in a public place, they are so tender. Shorter pushes Eiji’s body even closer, opening his lips wider and demanding to let his tongue inside. It’s hot in Eiji’s mouth. He tastes so sweet, it’s like a high dose of heroin. Shorter’s head spins. It’s so good, so familiar…but so different. Completely different to kissing Ash. 

Shorter frowns with a loud moan, suddenly taking Eiji’s body with both of his hands pulling him on top, then tilts his head to the side, gripping his hair. His lips wander down Eiji’s torso, his favorite path, until Eiji cries into Shorter’s ear.

“I love you.” Shorter whispers are more for himself than for Eiji. 

He tries harder. As if with the strength of his lips could erase the memories of Ash’s taste. But they won’t disappear. It’s painful. It’s crushing.

Eiji sobs. First so quietly that Shorter mistakes it for a moan, but when he whines harder Shorter stops. Eiji is crying like he was able to read Shorter’s mind. Like he was able to tell that Shorter is thinking about another man while kissing him.

“Ki-ssed…” his voice cracks in the middle, as Eiji is sobbing louder and louder with each moment.

_Kissed?_

_KISSED?_

_Oh shit. He knows._

“Eiji…. I….”

“I…. I kissed Ash.” Eiji’s words almost disappear through the painful cry that rips through his throat His forehead firmly pressed to Shorter’s chest, but body shivering. “Cain… Cain… saw us. And… he said he wouldn’t tell you, but… but I can’t… I can’t hide it, Shorter…. I can’t….”

“ _What?_ ” Shorter can’t help but laugh. He must misheard. Shorter is the one who kissed Ash.

Eiji moves back slowly, his eyes swollen and red. The tears just won’t stop falling. He turns his head away.

“He pushed me away. He pushed me away and told me that he’s in love with you.” Eiji tries to take a deep breath in but fails. He pauses, probably expecting for Shorter’s reaction, but he doesn’t know what to think.

Honestly Shorter is not even sure he’s capable of forming coherent thoughts. Just for one moment, a lame thought crossed his mind that Eiji kissed Ash and Shorter kissed Ash too, then they both didn't have to feel guilty anymore. They were kind of even.

“Ash told me about your kiss as well.” Eiji adds and then shakes his head pulling his hand out from Shorter’s fingers. “What’s going on…?”

The same question has been crossing Shorter’s mind since yesterday. _What’s happening? How did everything turn out this way?_ For some reason he can’t get angry at Eiji, Shorter can’t even blame him. There is this huge hole inside his chest as he begins to understand where this talk is going.

Eiji stands up, still not looking at Shorter.

“Eiji....” Shorter’s voice stutters. “Please don’t do this… please.” At the last moment, Shorter grips Eiji’s hand. He can’t breathe. His lungs burn. He feels listless and empty. Nothing makes sense. “I’m begging you.”

“I’m sorry, but this… relationship… I can’t. I can’t do this anymore.” Eiji still refuses to meet Shorter’s eyes. Shorter forces himself to sit up and his head is spinning, but he’s not sure if it’s because of trauma, or because his entire world is crumbling in front of him..

“Just a few days ago… everything… everything was…”

“Different. I know.” Eiji finishes his sentence. “I don’t… I don’t know what happened.” He tries to free his hand again, but Shorter doesn’t intend to let go.

“I love you, Eiji.” 

Eiji always answers. Always. But for the second time in a row, he ignores Shorter’s words. Shorter realizes that he totally misunderstood Eiji’s reactions to being held before. He was shivering, and acting tenderly because he knew how this was going to end, _right?_

“Don’t leave me,” Shorter begs for the last time. He can’t think of anything more. Shorter just lost Ash, he can’t lose Eiji as well. Everything is happening too fast.

_Maybe… we just need time to think about everything._

Eiji is not brave enough to say those words. Shorter is too hurt to admit them. This is the end. Just like that. After almost a year together of happiness, a layer of ice freezes Shorter’s insides slowly. The reason why he can’t let go of Eiji is fear. He’s afraid of being alone. He’d do anything for things to just go back to normal.

Eiji leaves. Shorter didn’t realize when he let go of Eiji’s hand, but he did. And he only sees him moving further away, until the door quietly closes, as if no one had ever entered. As if the entire time Shorter was here alone.

It’s a funny feeling. Everyone always thought Shorter was strong, no one ever saw how fragile he was under that hard surface. His heart feels like it’s breaking into tiny pieces, his vision becomes blurry. He wants to chase after Eiji, or find Ash and fix this. Shorter wants to erase his mistakes, to start over. To be a better person for them. He wished he was there when they both needed the most. Shorter wished he had been more attentive, and less concerned about himself. What a selfish being he is.

Eiji is right. It’s over. And Shorter is the one who killed it.

_I love you…_

Shorter swallows tears into the void of his words. He wanted them both and ended up losing everything.

* * *

* * *

Eiji cried his eyes out for Yue that evening while his friend stared at the window in silence. Eiji appreciated it, he preferred to stay like this rather than hearing the truth he didn’t want to admit. But Yue wouldn’t be him without throwing something extremely painful. And true.

“Life continues…” Yue looks at Eiji’s side after a while.

“Wha-t?” Eiji sobs loudly pressing his Nori Nori pillow to his chest as hard as he can. His eyes are swollen and hurt from being rubbed. His throat is dry and he can’t stop sneezing.

Yue doesn’t look impressed. He frowns in disgust and throws a pack of tissues at Eiji.

“Stop whining. You will damage your skin. Also, you did this to yourself. I’m sure Pineapple Head practically got on his knees and begged you to stay.” Yue was very patient up until this point, but that’s as far as his patience went.

“Not on his knees…” Eiji murmurs and hides face again in the pillow. It was a gift from Shorter, the most precious thing Eiji ever received from someone.

“You chose to kiss Ash, right? No one forced you.” Yue stands up and starts pacing back and forth. It’s easy for him to keep his voice calm, he sounds as if he’s explaining a mathematical theorem to a four-year-old.

“It’s not the poin---”

“Shush. I’m talking now.” Yue interrupts. “And Ash pushed you away because he likes Shorter, and then to hurt you even more he tells you that he kissed with Shorter the night before. Above all of this, Shorter didn’t even bother to tell you that he made out with Ash and acted like it didn’t matter. My conclusion is that they are both dicks. So life goes on.”

Yue sounds proud of himself, and he wants Eiji to agree to see the situation from the same perspective. But Eiji is not sure he can. _Yes_ , he went to search for Ash when he didn’t show up for the training they agreed to do for his shoulder. _Yes_ , Eiji saw how sad he was and that immediately broke him. Eiji touched Ash’s face and the blond didn’t push him away. Eiji rubbed his soft skin with fingertips and then it came out naturally. He reached to touch Ash’s lips, but just after the first taste, the blond man gently stopped him.

 _"I kissed Shorter."_ Ash said. " _I’m sorry, Eiji. I’m sorry, I never told you before how much he means to me. I’m sorry… I wasn’t brave enough before to face it. And now I just want to forget."_

Eiji stared at Ash, still cupping his face between fingers, when Cain showed up in the dressing room and caught them. _Yes_ , Eiji did understand what kind of situation he was in. The third wheel. Shorter knew Ash for many years and Eiji didn’t want to be the reason for their friendship to break up. He was the intruder here. He always has been. Eiji broke up with Shorter not because he didn’t love him anymore. He hoped that if he stepped away, then Ash and Shorter could be together again.

“Honestly, I never understood why the hell you were dating Pineapple Head if you’re in love with Ash?” Yue rolls his eyes, huffing as he dramatically sits on his bed.

“I… love Shorter…” It’s so painful to admit this now. So, so painful.

“So you don’t like Ash anymore?”

“I… do….” Eiji squeezes the pillow between his fingers so hard that it hurts. He wished he could just scream and that somehow solved the chaos inside his chest right now.

“What?” Yue sighs, obviously confused. “Can’t you just choose one?”

Eiji couldn’t. Choosing one was never an option. Summer without news from Ash was depressing and as soon as he saw him here, Eiji felt as though a magnet was pulling him towards Ash. At the same time, Shorter made Eiji feel safe, he was his comfort zone, and a shoulder to lean on. He _was everything to Eiji._ What’s _wrong_ with him?

Yue sighs when Eiji again bursts into tears. It was nothing more than pity for himself. Yue could have left Eiji and gone to Sing’s, but he stayed. Judging, muttering and cursing at both Shorter and Ash, but he stayed.

And Yue was right. Life did continue. Despite the weight of constant void inside himself, Eiji had to wake up the next day, and the day after that, go to practice, and classes. He had to ignore the yelling and Shorter’s loud laugh coming from the stadium during football practice, and pretend like he didn't see Ash sitting alone in the corner of the cafeteria during lunch breaks. _Life continues._ Eiji lied to himself as he was preparing for the upcoming championship. _Life goes on._ He repeated crying into a pillow every night, embarrassed about his dreams where all three of them were happy. 

It took only a few days to destroy his happiness, and weeks to stop regretting what he had done. But neither Ash nor Shorter had contacted Eiji since that day, so it was a quiet agreement for all of them to let it go.

“I see what you want to do. Don’t.” Yue looks over Eiji’s shoulder as he was marking the date on the calendar.

“It doesn’t matter that we broke up, I still want to send Shorter a text and wish him Happy Birthday. That’s okay, isn’t it?”

“You’ll just give him a false hope.” Yue crosses his arms and frowns.

“I’m not giving…” Eiji sighs, deciding not to finish his sentence. “Anyway, why you’re not at the game with Sing?”

Important football matches against other schools always commanded everybody’s attention, and since Sing was Shorter’s friend, Eiji was sure he would be there.

“I’m not interested. We’ll meet later. Besides, I can use this time for my skincare routine.” Yue walks around the room collecting everything he needs for the shower, including his extremely expensive bathrobe, and then leaves the room.

Eiji looks back at his calendar. Maybe Yue is right. He probably shouldn’t say anything to Shorter, especially while the wound is still so fresh. Eiji didn’t want to admit it, but he was secretly craving for any contact with him. _So selfish._ Eiji and Ash loved watching Shorter playing, cheering for him with a pounding heart, and then jumping on him after the game. Seeing him safe, with a victorious smile on his face.

Eiji lays his head down on the table and closes his eyes. He misses them. He misses their interactions, he misses Shorter’s touch. Eiji misses Ash's calm smile and their discussions. Without them, Eiji doesn’t feel like himself.

He suddenly flinches when he feels the vibration of his phone on the table. Eiji grabs it without thinking because he’s sure it’s Yue who forgot his hair mask or something.

But his heart skips a beat just a moment before he answers. It’s Ash’s name on the screen. Eiji can only stare at it, frozen, until the call ends and the screen turns black. He couldn’t make himself answer. But just a moment after, it lights up once more. Ash is calling again.

Eiji sits straight. His head is empty. He doesn’t want to answer and he can’t think of a reason why Ash might be calling him. 

“Ash..?” Eiji hears himself saying, with trembling hand pressing the phone to the ear.

“Ambulance took Shorter to the hospital just a moment ago. I’m about to drive after them. Are you coming?”

Ash doesn’t need to repeat himself, and Eiji has no intention of pretending that the world didn't start slipping away under his feet. He grabs a jacket and runs outside towards the parking lot. Ash meets him, he’s also running towards Eiji and before they both realize they are holding each other in their arms.

The hug is not what Eiji expected, but exactly what he needed to gain strength. They run to the car together, Eiji’s hand held firmly in Ash’s own. Eiji feels like if he lets go of Ash he’ll completely lose it. He’s like a lifeline, gentle and strong, keeping Eiji’s head just above the water. They separate for just for a moment to sit inside Ash’s car and Eiji finds himself holding on Ash’s sleeve. He wants to ask what happened, but his tongue doesn’t move. And this intense silence remains all the way to the hospital.

Half of the football team was in the emergency room, all of them still wearing uniforms and padding. They looked like giants occupying the biggest part of the place. His stomach twisted with anxiety. Eiji didn’t need to ask what happened to Shorter. He can glean enough information from the murmurs of his teammates to connect the dots. 

Shorter had a fight with another team captain before the match, and during the game, as if life wasn’t cruel enough already, the rival team got their revenge. 

_“...Shorter has been acting weird already for a few weeks…”_

_“What was in his stupid head to have a fight with the capitan? He’s a monster, everyone knows it.”_

_“So it’s true that Shorter was stabbed?”_

_“I heard they broke his skull…”_

_“So he’s in coma??”_

“Don’t listen to them.” Ash’s voice reaches Eiji, shutting out everything else around him. He hugs Eiji again, wrapping one hand around his shoulder, and another around his waist. “Sorry...just...let me hold for a bit, this is the only way I can remain calm.”

“What… what if… what if….” Eiji can’t finish his sentence. There are no tears in his eyes. Just sickening fear. It makes his legs weak, his stomach lurches and heart aches as though he’s the one been stabbed. 

“No, don’t think about it. Don’t... Eiji… please.” Ash drags him a bit further from everyone, and they sit on the free bench, just holding each other. The team has fallen silent, every few seconds glancing over at the two boys huddling on the seat. Nobody dares speak to them. 

Ash keeps stroking Eiji’s hair and soothing him with reassuring words. Ash promises him that Shorter will be okay. Eiji remembers how to breathe.

Ash rubs reassuring circles on Eiji’s palm, his breath escaping as a deep sigh.

“Eiji… I can’t stop thinking about you… I can’t stop thinking about Shorter.” He pauses, and Eiji can tell he’s trying desperately to find the right words. “Today when I went to the game, we had to talk with Shorter after the match about this... about us. It was just a matter of hours before we would have entered your dorm...I… _shit_.” Ash sighs, pressing Eiji so hard against his chest, that he couldn’t move even if he wanted to. And Eiji really wished to see Ash’s face now just to be sure he understood everything right.

“But you… said you like…. Shorter…” Eiji struggles to speak, every word comes out with pain, especially after realizing that he was about to give up, but both Shorter and Ash didn’t let go.

“I was running… I was just running, Eiji…from you. From Shorter. From my own feelings. God, I’m so stupid.” Ash’s laugh is hollow and quiet. Eiji knows exactly how he must feel. He was doing the same thing. But Eiji would have given everything for this confession happened in a different situation. Eiji grips on Ash sweater hard.

“I’m scared, Ash. Why is he always so reckless…? Why does he always make me worry…?”

Ash doesn’t answer, and Eiji doesn’t blame him. Eiji has no idea long they’ve been waiting. It could be days, hours, or even just a couple of minutes. Time seems to run along a different plane in the hospital.

Finally, Blanca shows up. “He’s going to be fine,” he announced and the teams started yelling so hard that everyone else in the room glared at them. “Now all of you go home, before you destroy the entire building!” Blanca pauses. “Tomorrow we have a rematch those fuck--- for our captain! Shorter Wong!”

The team yells again like a herd of raging bulls and leave the room, one by one. Blanca’s dart to Ash and Eiji, still clinging to each other on the bench. “It’s just a few broken bones, he needs rest and he needs both of you to slap him, or I swear to god I’ll do it myself.” Blanca leaves mumbling something about premature ageing.

“Let’s go to see him.” Eiji stands up impatiently, making Ash do the same.

“Maybe you should go alone?” Ash suggests, but then quickly shakes his head.

“If I go alone, I’ll end up punching him…. I swear, if Shorter wants something to happen, then he needs to listen. You do as well. With your shoulder. Were you doing exercises during the past few weeks?” Eiji huffs and folds his arms. “Judging from your guilty face, you didn’t. Why is everything going well only when I look after both of you? Why am I the one who has to be worried and---”

Ash ends Eiji’s babbling with a kiss. Eiji feels all his frustration melting away, as though it was never there, to begin with. His arms drop to his sides and his head spins. He takes everything that Ash gives as warmth spreads inside of him. Eiji smiles weakly, feeling like he’s drunk.

“Maybe because we both need you?" Ash makes a pause. "You’re so cute.” Ash says simply, leaving a small gap between their lips. “Now I understand what Shorter had in mind.”

 _What is this feeling?_ _Whose is this heartbeat? Eiji’s? Ash’s? Or both?_ _Only lacking one._

_But what if Shorter says no?_

* * *

“Say it again, Eiji.” Shorter humms, pressing lips against to Eiji’s cheek.

“I’m not saying it again! It’s embarrassing!” Eiji laughs, his hands wrapped around Shorter’s neck as he leans against this chest. Sitting on the hard cast on Shorter’s leg was already hurting Eiji’s ass, but he couldn’t complain.

“Say iiiiit! It’s my birthday, you gotta!” Shorter pouts like a disappointed child, just a moment before attacking Eiji’s face with a bunch of kisses.

Eiji half screams, half laughs, completely ignoring the rest of the people in this place. The surprise birthday party Eiji and Ash organized for Shorter turned into one more drunk party where everyone couldn’t care less what the others were doing. Shorter didn’t complain though, Eiji could tell that he missed partying, even though with his broken leg he couldn’t do much. But Shorter felt happy enough just seeing familiar faces around having fun for him.

“Say what?” Ash shows up with a glass in his hand.

“Tell me it’s something good.” Shorter begs, reaching for it.

“Yeah. Sparkling water.”

“Ewww….” Shorter frowns, and instead of reaching the glass he catches Ash and now both of Shorter’s legs are occupied. “Eiji just told me something sweet and I wanted him to repeat it.”

“I also wanna hear it.” Ash takes Eiji’s hand into his and leans a bit forward until his lips brush over Eiji’s skin. Shorter next to them giggles because he knows that Eiji will give up.

There it’s again. Eiji can hear it. All of them like one. Eiji has never felt better in his entire life than he does now, when all three of them are together. His heart is ready to live out in the open, to sing for them and dance along to the same song. Ash and Shorter were stronger, but Eiji is there to protect and guide them both. 

_"I’m willing to protect who I love with all that I am and ever will be.”_

“Get a room!!” Yue’s groans, but Sing is already dragging him away before he causes a scene.

“It’s _my_ party!!” Shorter yells back, even if Sing is already apologizing with a huge wave. “That snake… ruining Eiji’s love confession.” Shorter mumbles, but his jaw quickly drops when Ash presses his lips to Shorter’s ear. Shorter’s eyes meet with Eiji’s. Eiji knows this look.

“I just told Shorter about his birthday gift.” Ash drinks from his glass, while Shorter’s eyes are already ripping Eiji’s clothes off his body.

“Oh.” Eiji giggles. Ash knows how to distract Shorter, they are a perfect team.

When one heart beats for both. And all three of them breathe like one. 

Eiji cozy leans in until his hands hold both of them.

“I want to stay together like this...” Eiji smiles with a tender blush on his cheeks.

“Forever?” Shorter asks, kissing Eiji’s forehead.

“Forever.” Ash answers, sealing the promise.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!(˶◕‿◕˶✿)
> 
> [Link to the Fanart](https://twitter.com/gabgabsay/status/1271064944906244098?s=20)  
> Follow and support Gab and their beautiful art! ❤ [Twitter](https://twitter.com/gabgabsay/)
> 
> Come to talk with me :3 [Twitter](https://twitter.com/vitavilii) |


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